she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
