Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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