So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
