That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
