I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
