Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
