that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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