After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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