Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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