Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
