btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
