...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
