Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
