this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
