and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
