Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
