this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
