erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
