she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
