i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
