Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
