Yo dont text me then not text me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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