I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
