We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
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