Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
