You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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