I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
operation have a gay friend backfired
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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