I have demons in me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
