I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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