I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I understand Curling. That high.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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