the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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