Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
