why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
