Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So squirting runs in the family.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
