Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
