my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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