Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
