another moral hangover. fuck.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
