I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
