I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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