I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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