Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
