so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
