I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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