I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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