How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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