woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
