I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
