Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
