Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
