drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
