Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
