Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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