Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
