I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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