he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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