just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
